Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Randomize
