YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
