A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
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