Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
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