I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
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