toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
