i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
