I am in a vortex of obligation.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
