plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
