I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
