I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
