I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
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You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
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I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
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