White coat. Heels.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
