from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
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At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
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I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
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