Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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