like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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