I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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