tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
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The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
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Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
PANTIES FOUND
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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