I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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