I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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