Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
