I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize