ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Randomize