So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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