my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Randomize
