Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
