I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
