the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
