I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
