Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Randomize
