he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize