Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
