Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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