I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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