so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
