you turned your livingroom into a bong?
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
