I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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