hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
