Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
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