The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Randomize
