90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
She tied me up with her honor cords...
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
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