I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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