you turned your livingroom into a bong?
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize