I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
