Kiss
Puke
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
