So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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