I swear god or herbie drove my car home
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
