Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
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