you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
