I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
