I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
