we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
He better not be in your backpack
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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