I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
