I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Did I show you my penis last night?
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well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
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I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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