we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
