I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
