until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Randomize
