Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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