you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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