apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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