Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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