I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Randomize
