Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
