The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
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