I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
