just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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