wrigley field is MILF paradise
That's when you crack a 10am beer
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
