im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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