Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Mom said you looked used
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
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