You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
