I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
