I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
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