Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
