....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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