cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
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He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
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He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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