census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Randomize
