picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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